Tuesday, May 20, 2008

You know you're from Massachusetts if . . .

I offer this as a public service to help others begin to understand people from Massachusetts. It was sent to me by my daughter, currently an LA resident, who was feeling nostalgic for her Sox and jimmies and the Cape:

You know you're from Massachusetts if . . .

1. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left; 2. Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only if you want to; 3. You know how to cross four lanes of traffic in five seconds; 4. You believe using your turn signals gives away your plan to the enemy; 5. You think it's not actually tailgating unless you're touching the bumper of the car in front of you; 6. You know that a yellow light means that at least five more people can get through and a red one means two more can; 7. The transportation system is known as the "T"; 8. You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house; 9. You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you off when you cut them off or steal their parking space; 10. There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house;

11. When people talk about "The Curse Of The Bambino" you just say "Remember that time the Red Sox made history by coming back from 3 games down against the Yankees and went on to win the World Series?"; 12. (Omitted because of poor taste); 13. If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three different names; 14. Someone has honked at you because you didn't peel out the second the light turned green; 15. You have honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second the light turned green; 16. All the potholes just add to the excitement of driving; 17. You think if someones nice to you they either want something or they are from out of town and lost; 18. Six inches of snow is considered a dusting; 19. Three days of 90 degree heat is definitely a "heat wave" and 63 degrees is "on the warm side"; 20. You cringe every time you hear some actor/actress imitate the "Boston Accent" on TV or in a movie -- If you don't have it then you're never going to get it even if you were born here;

21. At the ice cream shop you call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies"; 22. You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen minutes and see at least fifteen losers you went to high school with doing the same thing they were doing when you saw them last; 23. It is raining and/or snowing, the person in front of you is going 70, and you're still cursing them for going too slow; 24. You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Haverhill, and Cotuit; 25. You know what they sell at a "packie"; 26.You've called something "wicked pissa"; 27. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgator; 28. You still try to order curly fries from Burger King; 29. You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round; 30. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie, and a Frank;

31. Paranoia sets in when you can't see an ATM or CVS; 32. You think crosswalks are for wimps; 33. You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop; 34. You know what "regular coffee" is, and you order iced coffee in January; 35. You can navigate a rotary without a problem; 36. You have been to Fenway Park; 37. You refer to the New York Yankees as the Evil Empire; 38. You feel the rest of the world needs to drive more like you; 39. When someone calls you a "masshole" you take it as a compliment; 40. You use the words "wicked" and "good" in the same sentence;

41. You know what a frappe is; 42. Saint Patrick's Day is your second favorite holiday; 43. You are proud to drink Sam Adams and think that the rest of the country owes Bostonians a thank-you; 44. You never say "Cape Cod" -- You say "the cape"; 45. You went to Old Sturbridge Village and Plymouth Plantation in elementary school; 46. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day; 47. You have a special place in your heart for the Worcester Firefighters; 48. You know the Mass Pike and 128 are some strange weather dividing lines; 49. You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language; and 50. You've gone from I-95 South to I-93 North by driving in a straight line and never changing direction.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

and when you see the CITGO sign at Fenway..it is not the price of gas that comes to mind! Rather you cheer for Manny & Big Papi C-IT-GO.......

Anonymous said...

This one cracked me up so hard...

Paul Levy said...

Dear Anon (not the ones above) --

I passed along your request.

James said...

When I was a college freshman in Philadelphia, I asked my friends, "I'm going on a packy run. Does anybody want anything?" They stood around bewildered until someone from Maine translated.

Elizabeth said...

"You've gone from I-95 South to I-93 North by driving in a straight line and never changing direction."

Better yet, you've driven on 2 East, 16 West, and 3 North - all at the same time!

Fibro Witch said...

No it's you can drive on 95 north and 128 south at the SAME time!!!

You pronounce the the H in Reveha.

Speaking of which, Paul Revere had the better publicist, but William Dawes had the better horse.

You firmly believe that as long as USS Constitution sits in the harbor we are safe from attack.

And my personal favorite:

You get to walk the same streets walked by some of the greatest, and first Americans every single day!

Get well soon Senator Kennedy

Emily DeVoto, Ph.D., said...

Two tasty fish are "tuner" and "snappah"

Even if your parents tried to train you out of the accent, you still say "fermiliar" and "Flahrida" without realizing it

You think that, legally, the people turning left when the light turns green have the right of way.

Anonymous said...

Another one to add to the list; we order frappes instead of milk shakes

I also hate it when actors attempt to speak in a Boston accent. Its horrible. Its like running ones nails on a chalk board. Even Ben and Matt can't do it any more.

Megs said...

This is such a great list, and wonderful for reminiscing for those of us Baystaters in London (five in my office)

Paul Levy said...

Ah, REAL fish and chips!

Anonymous said...

I have found since I have left the east, nobody knows what a grinder is. It is a sub sandwich.

Anonymous said...

And who can forget - it's a grinder not a sub!!
C-